Because of our son Jack’s autism and sensory challenges, one of the hardest experiences for him is spending time at doctor’s appointments. Jack struggles to process the world around him, and without words to explain how he’s feeling, he often expresses himself through behaviors that can be intense and sometimes alarming.
When we arrive at appointments, anxiety takes over almost immediately. Tears, screaming, tantrums, and occasionally self-injurious behavior become the norm. On more occasions than I care to admit, I’ve had to physically position myself between Jack and the floor to prevent him from hurting himself by banging his head in frustration. It is, without a doubt, heartbreaking.
Now, this may sound a bit unconventional—but because of Jack’s challenges, I make a point to bring him along to all of his siblings’ medical visits, not just his own.
You might be thinking: why on earth would anyone do that?
I do it in hopes of gently desensitizing Jack to the things that trigger him. I want him to see that his siblings are okay during their check-ups, to witness that the doctors’ interventions are safe, and to reassure him that, when it’s his turn, everything will be alright. We work together using ‘first/then’ charts, lots of verbal reassurance, and a mix of distractions and activities to pass the time while we wait.
Even as just an observer, Jack’s presence is anything but calm. Most appointments involve him yelling, “No Jack! No doctor!” repeatedly as I hold him on my lap, feeling his little heart racing a mile a minute.
There are moments, naturally, when I question myself. I wonder why I put him, myself, and his siblings through what can feel like torture. The chaos, the tears, the tension—it’s exhausting and stressful.
And then, just when I need it most, there are glimpses of pure, unfiltered beauty that make it all worthwhile.
Tonight, for example, during a follow-up appointment for procedures his sisters had, Jack had a small meltdown when a doctor looked into Maddie’s nose with a bright light. As I tried to calm him and held him a little tighter on my lap, Maddie spoke up: “Oh Jack, Maddie is okay. I’m not hurt. Come give me a big hug!” She encouraged him gently, guiding him to her side. Before long, Olivia joined in, forming what I now affectionately call a sister sandwich. “See, Jack? Maddie’s okay,” Olivia whispered softly as she hugged him.
Watching his sisters stroke his hair tenderly, provide gentle pressure that soothes him, and speak reassuringly with love in their voices completely melted my heart.
Jack’s siblings have learned to step into a protective, comforting role. They make sure he feels safe, loved, and supported—regardless of the curious or judgmental stares from strangers.
Cam, his brother, uses his humor and entertaining personality to lighten stressful moments. Maddie always comes prepared with helpful tools to assist him. Olivia brings her calm, nurturing presence to help ease Jack’s anxiety. Together, they form a team of love and support that I couldn’t have imagined possible.
It’s not just doctor’s appointments that challenge Jack—many social situations are equally difficult. Yet, his siblings consistently rise to the occasion, showing maturity and compassion far beyond their years. Their unwavering care fills my heart with more pride and love than words can convey.
In return, Jack feels safe, reassured, and unconditionally loved by some of the most important people in his life. And honestly, how beautiful is that?
Our journeys are all different, shaped by our own challenges and triumphs. But no matter what that journey looks like, when you are supported and surrounded by love, it changes everything. It makes a world of difference, doesn’t it?
