My daughter’s stepmom is now my best friend, but it certainly wasn’t always that way. When Savannah and I first crossed paths, things started off on the wrong foot. Before we even met in person, I felt a mix of emotions I couldn’t quite control. It all began when my ex, Nick, and Savannah were dating and took my little girl, Livi, to Disneyland. Savannah posted a photo from the trip online—and I was instantly angry.
Rather than letting tension grow, Savannah reached out to me with a heartfelt letter, hoping to ease my fears and begin building a respectful relationship. Here’s what she wrote:
*”Hey Vanessa, I’m sure you’re aware of who I am at this point, but I thought it was time to introduce myself. I’m Savannah, Nick’s girlfriend. Hi. I understand you’ve voiced concerns about me and Livi, and I wanted to reach out personally to put your mind at ease. I would never want to step on anyone’s toes, and I’m sorry if it felt that way. I know this is a scary and uncomfortable time for you as Nick brings someone new into your baby’s life. I would imagine I’d feel the same if the tables were turned—any mama would.
This is my first time navigating this kind of situation. The last thing I want is to hurt anyone’s feelings or make anyone uncomfortable. I promise I’ve only spent time with Livi when invited, and I have never forced myself into her life—and I never will. At Disneyland, I shared snaps of Livi with a few close friends who asked to see them, not to play ‘mommy,’ but because we all thought she was such a doll. There was no hidden motive.
Livi will be a part of my life now, and my hope is we can learn to work as a team, not against one another. It will be easier on everyone, especially her. You and Nick made an adorable baby, and I’m so excited to be part of her life. My goal is to love her without ever taking away from your role as her mom. You are important—her feelings are priority, and your feelings are valid. I may not get everything right, but my intentions are always good. If you ever have questions or concerns, please reach out. xx, Savannah”*
At first, I had the normal feelings of jealousy that any mom might feel. But what really weighed on me was the fear that someone was trying to replace me in Livi’s life. Seeing posts or hearing about outings was difficult, and I had to consciously keep my emotions in check to avoid conflict. Over time, though, I began to see that both Nick and Savannah only wanted what was best for Livi—safe, happy, and loved—and that helped ease my worries.
Savannah’s letter was a turning point. Whenever those uneasy feelings resurfaced, I reminded myself of her true intentions, and gradually, we started to find common ground. Building a friendship wasn’t instant—it took multiple attempts and a lot of patience. One of the first big milestones came when we co-planned Livi’s 4th birthday, which we lovingly called “Livchella.” Weeks of preparation, collaboration, and family gatherings all went smoothly, and we felt hopeful that we were on the right path.
But like any growing relationship, there were bumps. Miscommunication and lingering emotions caused tension, and we drifted into what we jokingly call “The Dead Zone.” Months later, Savannah took the brave step to break the ice, and we finally had an honest, grown-up conversation about our concerns and how we wanted to co-parent in a healthy, collaborative way. Little did we know, just a year later, we would become inseparable friends. Anything truly is possible when hearts and minds are open.
Our journey taught us one key piece of advice that we hope can help other families navigating blended situations: always try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If a bio mom feels hurt or a stepmom feels she’s overstepping, it usually comes from a place of love and protection. Communication is everything, and whenever feelings start to take over, it’s always better to talk it out rather than let resentment grow.
While Savannah and I faced our own challenges, both individually and together, we never lost sight of who truly mattered—Livi. Once we set aside our pride and egos, the magic happened. We realized how much we actually had in common, and a genuine friendship blossomed. Today, we are not just co-parents but the best of friends, raising our children as one big, happy family filled with love, laughter, and mutual respect.
