LOVE. A word, a feeling, a song title—no matter how you define it, love shapes our lives in ways we often don’t notice. Even when we aren’t consciously giving or receiving it, love motivates countless choices and actions. I’ve heard from human behavior experts that almost everything humans do, aside from basic survival, stems from the need for love and belonging. And I think that’s true. Love gives life its meaning, inspires us to grow, and pushes us to become more than creatures merely existing. Love is also the reason I’m sharing my story.
My wife, Megan, and I are both Korean adoptees who came to the United States as newborns and were raised by white families—me in Plattsburgh, NY, and Megan in Syracuse. We met at Ithaca College a few years ago and were married in August 2019. To make our honeymoon truly special, we chose to travel to South Korea for two weeks in November—our first time returning since our adoptions. Naturally, we carried a mix of excitement and questions about the “what ifs” of our pasts.
A few days into our trip, I shared some photos and a short summary of our love story on Facebook. A friend suggested I post it in the public group Subtle Asian Traits, and I did. Overnight, the post went viral—over 20,000 likes, thousands of heartfelt comments, and DMs filled with gratitude, joy, and encouragement. The love from complete strangers was overwhelming. Sure, family and friends often celebrate milestones with us, but why did this outpour of emotion come from so many unknown people? The answer is simple: LOVE. That moment made me realize how powerful and inspiring sharing these stories can be. We all seek the same connection, the same belonging, the same warmth of love. If our story can make someone smile, feel inspired, or reflect on the special people in their lives, it has done its job.
So what does it mean to be adopted and to marry a fellow adoptee? What makes our connection unique? I can’t claim there’s a single answer, but I can say our bond is unlike any I’ve shared before. Growing up with similar histories allows us to relate deeply to the emotions and challenges the other has experienced. Shared experiences don’t guarantee a soulmate, but they can amplify love and understanding. I think of it like people who grew up in alcoholic households or foster care: when they meet someone who has walked a parallel path, the connection often feels effortless and profound. The comfort and love I feel with Megan is undeniably shaped by my upbringing as a Korean adoptee navigating a predominantly white society, and the scars and isolation we endured have made our love even stronger.
I grew up in Plattsburgh, NY, a very homogenous town with few Asians and even fewer adoptees. Megan’s Syracuse upbringing offered more diversity, but both our parents showered us with unconditional love and support. Their sacrifices, emotional investment, and unwavering care have shaped us into the people we are today. Adoption is never simple—it’s a journey full of highs, lows, and challenges that demand incredible patience and heart. To our parents and every adoptive parent out there: your courage and love are extraordinary, and we are forever grateful.
Being Asian in predominantly white communities wasn’t always easy. I faced teasing and stereotypical jokes growing up—slanted eyes, imitations of “Asian” sounds, assumptions about intelligence, body type, and even sexuality. Even within my close group of friends and on sports teams, it was normalized, making it difficult to speak out without risking ridicule. I bottled up many feelings, a pattern I now recognize was tied to fear of rejection and a desire to belong. Looking back, I wish I had spoken up more. To anyone in a similar situation: embrace your feelings, be yourself, and don’t let fear silence you. True friends will accept and love you for who you are.
Despite these challenges, my childhood was filled with joy. I had friends, adventures, and love in my life. But subconsciously, growing up as a minority shaped how I viewed myself and others. For years, I didn’t find Asian women attractive—perhaps influenced by societal biases I absorbed as a child. It wasn’t until college, when I began to embrace my identity and connect with the Asian community, that my perspective shifted. Now, Megan is not just beautiful—she is my soulmate, and my love for her continues to grow deeper every day.
Megan faced similar experiences of discrimination and microaggressions. Her exposure to Camp Mujigea, a camp for Korean adoptees, helped her connect with her roots and foster a sense of community and belonging. Meeting other adoptees gave her reassurance that her past didn’t define her limitations. These shared experiences created a safe space for us to open up to each other, without fear or judgment.
We dated for a few years, bonding deeply over our shared adoptions and life experiences. In June 2018, I proposed to her in front of the Bellagio fountains in Las Vegas, with her childhood friend and cousin—also a Korean adoptee—present to celebrate the moment. She thought we were just going ring shopping. Her tears and joyous “yes” made me the happiest man alive. Every detail—the nervous walk, checking the ring in my pocket, her laughter at my antics—remains vivid in my memory. That night, I realized I had truly found my greatest win: Megan, my partner for life.
Our wedding was one of the happiest weekends of our lives, surrounded by the love of family and friends. Because my summers are packed with DJing weddings, we chose to honeymoon in November. South Korea was breathtaking—its people warm and caring, its culture vibrant, its food unforgettable. For the first time, I felt a true sense of belonging, surrounded by people who shared my heritage. Standing atop Seoul Tower, overlooking a city that seemed to stretch forever, I hugged Megan and was overcome with emotions: gratitude, happiness, and an overwhelming love—for her, for my parents, for everyone who shaped my journey.
While we may one day search for our birth parents, the focus now is the love we share. My heart is full, my soul complete, and the greatest gift life has given me is love. With Megan, I’ve found not only a partner but a reflection of my own journey—a reminder that love transcends all challenges, connects us deeply, and makes life infinitely richer.
